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 Saturday 24th August 2013 - Central Bar, Lumphinnans

To say it's been a while is an understatement, but walking into the bar it's exactly the same as last time! Same set up, different staff and manager.  But still a good, friendly atmosphere, so that's good. 

The bijou crowd did their best to make me feel at home, and I even did a request for Bryan Adams, only to find that the guy who had asked for it was in the loo when I did it! 

Saturday 6th September - Central Bar, Lumphinnans

I wonder if the credit crunch is hitting pubs?  Or are we all saving for our holidays?  Whatever the reason, there were only a few punters in the Central Bar this weekend.  Unless it's me. 

We had a bit of a setback through the week, when my laptop decided it wasn't going to cooperate.  The sound from both the internal and our external soundcard was bad.  Really bad.  Al repaired it as best he could, and I must admit I didn't hear any glitches, but I feel I can't trust the thing now.  So it was out and get a new one the Sunday after this gig.

So - despite my nerves about the laptop's state, the gig went well.  The few people who were in seemed to appreciate what they were getting, and stayed quite late. Thanks to those who did, and hi to everyone who was there throughout the night.

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Sunday 2nd December - Central Bar, Lumphinnans - Charity Gig

Now I'm not one of those people who does a lot of charity gigs, but this one was very close to my heart.  It was all in aid of a wee girl called Cara Louise, who suffers from a condition called Rett Syndrome. For information on the condition, you can visit

I myself have a wee girl of about Cara's age, and I must admit to being a little emotional for the whole gig, especially as she was right there in the room for the first wee while.  Then bless her, she fell asleep and was taken home.

There were a good few people taking part on the day, including

Jim Leishman, Director of Football at Dunfermline FC (a hilarious after dinner speaker, he regaled us with tales of his childhood in Lumphinnans)

The inimitable Bobby Dee (Singer, funny man and master of the banter)

and last but not least, Carly Schiavone, an amazing young girl of only 12 whose voice I can only describe as amazing. She is currently waiting to hear about her audition for Britain's Got Talent, and I can only say if she is not featured, they need their heads looking at.  And their ears!  I had tried to record her unbelievable voice using my phone, but it turned out that my phone simply does not do her justice.  I believe you may be seeing a lot of this young girl.  You heard it here first, mind! 

The final totals for the day were not yet totted up accurately before I left, but John reckoned we had made around £1700 on the day through ticket sales and auctioned items.  Jim Leishman had also collected around £500 from the Fife Police at an earlier after dinner speaking event, and promised more fundraising via a ticket affair at Dunfermline FC.  Please check back to The Tapshoap's website here to get the latest, and please contact John at the Tapshoap if you wish to contribute in any way to this worthy cause

Saturday 1st December - Central Bar, Lumphinnans

Well what can I say.  Another one of those quiet nights we all experience from time to time.  There was a good reason, though (see above).  Because I didn't have much of an audience, I think my adrenaline levels were lower than normal, and I got pretty tired early on. 

Many thanks to John, who always keeps me cheery.

Saturday 27th October 2007- Central Bar, Lumphinnans

Yet another enjoyable night at the Tapshoap.  I am running out of different nice things to say about this venue!  Good host, welcoming atmosphere, a bit of banter, and a love of rock music. 

We had just moved when I had this gig, so I must apologise for my head being, quite frankly, up my bottom.  It's a confusing, stressful time moving house, and when you are living surrounded by boxes, things are a bit up in the air. We are settled now, and the mountain of boxes is subsiding slowly.

Saturday 22nd September - Central Bar, Lumphinnans

Its always nice to visit John and his regulars at the Tapshoap, I enjoy this place because John is a really nice bloke, who furnishes me with the occasional Jack Daniels and who seems to appreciate the efforts I make to customise my act to his liking. On this occasion, it is the first anniversary of Johns management of the pub, I was greeted by a large audience who were out for a good time....braw.

John had laid on a buffet and asked me to start a bit earlier and finish early when the crowd started to die down a bit.  As it was, most stayed on and when I was asked to do a bit more after my 11.30pm finish time, I'd already decided to stretch my set as the audience seemed to be enjoying my rocky last section.

This must be the first time I've ever been applauded for coming back from the toilet! I'd started "Hotel California" and had been having lots of banter with the audience about having to go for a tinkle or wetting the floor.  I took my opportunity during the long guitar solo, and came back to rapturous applause! I must add that into my act more often lol.

I must apologise to John.  I'd been asked to have a chat with one of Alan's work associates who's daughter, Stephanie, wanted some insight into getting an act together to entertain in pubs and clubs. It never occurred to me to ask John if it was ok, and I asked Stephanie to do a couple of songs during one of my breaks. He was okay with it, but I promise not to spring anything on you again, John (grovel grovel).  She went on to do "I'm Outta Love" and "Black Velvet", a couple of big songs that went down very well. I think John will offer her a booking when she gets going.

As an afterthought, I remember singing "Black Velvet" to Janey Kirk when I went to see her about doing the job, so maybe I'm passing on the favour!

As usual I can only recommend a visit to John's pub, The Tapshoap.


THE TAP SHOAP, aka the Central Bar, Lumphinnans.

Friday 3rd August - The Central bar, Lumphinnans

This Friday night gig was to cap off the evening after the Gareth Blackadder memorial football match between Kelty Hearts and Lumphinnans United AFC . I didn't attend the match but can tell you that it ended 4 - 0 to Kelty.

It was nice to have a good sized crowd enjoying John's hospitality.  The stovies and sandwiches seemed to go down a treat and I enjoyed entertaining with my usual mixture of rockier material. With it being a Friday night a lot of the younger punters headed for town and left my usual Saturday night bunch.... An attentive and friendly crowd, but I wish they would "phone a friend" because this pub should be bursting at the seams. John deserves the support of the local area so if you come to the pub then please let your friends know how friendly it is and get more bums on seats.

I enjoy my visits to Lumphinnans and always look forward to entertaining at the Tapshoap. I hope to see you and your friends there on my next visit.

If you've seen my act, you'll know how much I hate to repeat myself -  - but I have to say how much I enjoy visiting John's pub. I'm always made to feel appreciated and just feeling welcome can bring out the best in a performer. This gig was a bit quiet, but every song was greeted with applause (and a bit of banter).  I've done gigs in nearby Cowdenbeath, Lochgelly and other Fife venues, and in most I've belted out some classic ballads to be left in complete silence, trying to avoid the tumbleweed.

I like to talk to John. I do this site not just to advertise myself, but to give an insight into my job and the entertainment business in Scotland. John has some good ideas about getting bums on seats and improving the quality of a night out in his venue. He has a new web site at which is currently finding its feet and will is becoming a good source of information. Have a look and if you're in the area, give him your support.

Back to the reviewI was taking it a bit easy on this occasion as I have a gig on Sunday and have been having some throat problems. I explained this to John and he was happy enough. I wouldn't go out if I couldn't perform and I don't think the audience noticed the difference and certainly seemed to enjoy my act. Its usually difficult to do a gig to a small audience but the genuine friendly atmosphere and the plentiful supply of banter made this gig fly by. I look forward to my next visit and hope that anyone reading this will consider checking out

Saturday 26th May - Central Bar, Lumphinnans

I love the Central Bar.  Or the "Tapshoap" as it is referred to around these parts.  John, the lessee, is so welcoming and down to earth, and I find myself chatting when I should be singing half the time!

This place has gone from strength to strength since my first gig, and now it has a new games system for the punters to play - it has "Millionaire", Bullseye and many more gameshow games on it, and it is guaranteed to get any night going.  Two burly men were racing to push the big buttons on their console when I arrived, and the place was full of laughter.  A good move, methinks.

There had been a football match  during theafternoon, and most of the people there had been out all day - and they looked like it too!  Despite this, they were all laughing and joking in the relaxed atmosphere of the pub, and there was no trouble.  John wouldn't have put up with it for a second anyway.

John has installed a new advertising screen there too, and for just £10 per month you can advertise your business.  We intend to take up this offer, as I reckon you can never advertise too much.  If you have a business in the area, why don't you give him a call?

Anyhoo, I'm looking forward to going back.  A lot.

Please visit their website at

Saturday 17th March 2007 - The Central Bar, Lumphinnans

After reading my last gig review, Big John, this pubs gaffer printed it out and put a copy on the wall for all to see... no pressure for me to write this one then is there?

The good thing is that its easy to write a good review because the people at this pub are always genuine and very friendly. Again there were a few empty tables this evening, but not as many as some other nights I've been here.

My set was again mainly rocky and disco, but it seemed to go down well. Even at the end of the night there were requests for more Abba. 

Unusually for Fife, I can judge what these people like because they take time to show their appreciation by clapping.

Someday I'll go along to this pub and be greeted by the walls bulging with a crowd of punters wanting to have a good night.. for now the crowds are getting bigger at "The Tapshoap" and I look forward to my next visit.

Oh and if you're printing this out again John -



Saturday 17th February - The Central Bar, Lumphinnans

The last time I was at this venue the staff (me and Al included) outnumbered the customers at one point. I was offered the chance to get paid and finish early, but I stayed because the few customers there seemed to enjoy what I gave and, most important of all, they showed it.

This visit was chalk and cheese to that one. This time the pub's football team had been enticed along and were in very high "spirits". They wanted some up-beat entertainment so that suited me down to the ground. I threatened them with the line dancing classics but didn't have to follow up on the threat because from start to finish they were up for good music, good banter and therefore a really good night.

I'd like to give a special mention to Shug, who danced his socks off in front of me the whole night.  I think I upset his friend with a witty retort, but Shug was not as easy...  Bless him he was so full of energy he reminded me of my three year old after eating blue smarties.  He nearly crossed the line at one point (don't ask), but my well practiced `Supernanny` point and "No" worked wonders.

This will be one of my top three venues to visit if they can keep the kind of crowd that were in this evening. It makes my life so much easier to have good management, staff and good punters who show their appreciation. They deserve success and I hope that they get it.

Visit this pub if you're in the area, and say Joanie recommended it!

(We took a couple of photos at the gig, but unfortunately Al is a better sound man/roadie than photographer, so the  pics didn't turn out.  I'll ensure we bring the digital camera on St. Patrick's Day to get some photos of your very demure and reserved football team captain. I'd like to thank him for bringing a bit of dignity to the evening - but I can't)

Saturday 25th November 2006 - Central Bar, Lumphinnans

My second visit here and again the place was very quiet. It's a shame as this is a lovely looking pub and the few punters were nice people. At one point there were fewer paying customers than people working... The barmaid, Al and me, you work it out! I could have left early but waited around and enjoyed my very `intimate` gig.  Its strange to do a track and then be able to have a chat about it and ask for requests as to what I would do next. The customers were enjoying what I gave them, though, and showing their appreciation.  This meant that I had a good time. Please support this pub if you live locally or are passing through.

Saturday 19th August 2006 - Central Bar, Lumphinnans

What a nice place, unfortunately it was very quiet, although the few that were present made up for it with some cheeky banter -  my kind of place.

As usual I was told that the night before had been absolutely choc a bloc due to a birthday, so busy in fact that they had drunk the place dry! Seriously! We always seem to just miss the crowds and a large audience does make the night easier.

Unusually for a fife crowd, this lot also applauded every song I did.  That is so unusual and one of the reasons I will be only too happy to return if I'm asked. Of course the good mixture of nutters in the pub also helps lol!